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Day four without Hayden.

Adam and Matthew Smith from "Indelible Grace"

We finally got the courage and strength to get out of the house last night, so we all went to a concert over in Medford. We stopped at TJ MaXX before the concert, and boy did I share some tears at that store. Every single item reminded me of Hayden and all the fun we had shopping there. Anyway, we had planned to go listen to a musician named Matthew Smith from the band “Indelible Grace” before Hade died. Their music has helped our hearts through many difficult struggles throughout the years and Adam had seen Matthew in concert ten years ago- so that was a cool thing God did for Adam. Hade loved so many of their songs, especially “On Jordan’s Stormy Banks” which we got to sing last night at the concert. Even though it brought some tears, I think Luther says it best. “FOR AGITATIONS OF THE SOUL; MUSIC IS ONE OF THE MOST MAGNIFICENT AND DELIGHTFUL PRESENTS GOD HAS GIVEN US.” Amen to that brother!

During the concert, Matthew was reminding us that as humans, God created our hearts to have a vast range of emotions, especially in trials. He was saying that maybe these days the church is to “tidy and simple” in what we sing about. Like we have to protect God or act like we aren’t full of anger, fear, disappointment, and discouragement at times. It’s ok and right to sing about these feelings to God. God gets it because He is the one who created us to experience such a pendulum of emotion. Just like Jesus did. We don’t serve a distant God that doesn’t get it. God is with us in the mess, and He was in the mess long before we got here and He will always be with us through this. I don’t know what your trial is, but God is with you in your mess too. Oh man, it was hard watching Adam and my family weep for Hade and the sting of her death, but we sang, and we cried out and lamented to God, and when we were finished our souls were exhausted, but our spirits were renewed.

This is one of Matthew’s songs that keep going through my head. What a healing thought.


In the day when silent sorrow Seems to shake me to the core Then I hear the heavenly comfort, "You will weep no more."

God Himself will dry your tears God Himself will soothe your fears

In the day when earthly weakness Weighs your weary spirit down All around you seems a burden All above you seems a frown

God Himself will dry your tears God Himself will soothe your fears

In the day when sin oppresses And the battle rages strong When the victory seems doubtful Or triumphant seems the wrong

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