There’s a knock on your door that you know is going to cause you great pain. It’s not actually a knock but pounding. It comes late at night or in the wee hours of the morning, and you know by the frequency and the urgency of the pounds once you open the door there will be no turning back.
That’s the way it was for us the day that Hayden died.
Tears fill my eyes as I recall that day, for many different reasons.
But Like a fine wine that has to continue to sit on the shelf to age or a strong coffee that needs to percolate a bit more is the way I feel about sharing that day. It’s still swirling around in my heart and mind, and it isn’t ready to come out yet.
There’s a pain that is buried so far down in a soul that words can never touch it, but if you are patient God will bring it to the surface, and He can help you find a purpose and even a beauty in it.
So that’s where I’m sitting with the whole thing. I’m waiting on God, and I’m pondering. Like the Bible verse in Luke, that talks about Mary and all she was going through.
“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
The day Hade died took us all by surprise, to say the least. Because I can’t get my mind around her death yet, I’m going to have to have to tell you about it another time.
Maybe I’ll save it for her book, or you’ll get to watch it on her Kirk Cameron “made for TV movie.” Why not right? Hayden and Adam’s love story is far more exciting and a thousand times more romantic than anything the Hallmark channel has to offer!
Can you picture it? There’s little boy Adam, so tan and half-naked, sun-bleached wild hair flowing behind him as he is on a raft braving the Amazon River and jungles of Brazil. Flash to little girl Hayden, running through the fields, dressed in olden day clothes, playing "Little House On The Prairie" with her sister and cousins, her bright blue eyes shining in the sun.
Fast-forward to “boy from the jungle meets beauty queen,” and they fall in love against all the odds amid life-threatening cancer - Coming to a theater near you, just in time for Valentine’s Day.
But for now, I’m going to continue to ponder and treasure until I can put words to my feelings and take you on the journey that was Hayden’s last day and her death.
Maybe you are going through a super hard thing right now, or you’ve lived through something unimaginable. Perhaps you are like me, and you just can’t seem to get your mind around it. I encourage you to ask God to help you find the good tucked away in the pain. I know it’s there because God doesn’t waste anything on His planet, not even sin.
It’s not popular to say God uses what seems like evil for our good, but he does.
“Father there is so much evil, pain and hurt in your world, but that doesn’t change how good you are. Please help us remember that you love us and you will help us find the good in anything you allow into our lives, even when things look super bad. Amen.”