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Without Hade. My Girl Went Missing

Without Hade. My girl went missing. There is little more terrifying than to find your child is missing. You know the moment I’m talking about. They were at your side and then they suddenly weren’t. Your heart begins racing, your palms sweat and you feel like you can’t breathe.

This happened to me to me recently. Hayden went missing. This was the second time in the last few weeks. The first time was right after she returned for Europe with Adam.

I met her in Seattle to help her with chemo treatments at the hospital. We were resting back in our hotel room together when it happened. I went out into the hall to talk to my husband on the phone and when I came back into the room, Hayden was gone.

To be honest, I didn’t know she was gone at first. I was lying on the bed when I heard this strange gasping sound. You know the sound I’m talking about. It’s that panicked breathing sound like someone is trying to catch their breath but they can’t. The raspy, sucking sound of trying to get air into your lungs and then the snoring and snorting sound of trying to push air back out. It’s an uncomfortable sound and it makes you want to try and take a deep breath for them.

I got up, walked over to her bed and that’s when it dawned on me, my girl was missing. My passionate, spunky, people loving girl was gone and she had been replaced by a girl I do not recognize.

The sweet little girl lying in this bed was so thin and frail, unable to take a deep breath. She was coughing and gasping, snoring like an old woman. Her mouth was open because her tongue was in the way of getting a deep breath because tumors were pushing on her throat. She was curled up in a ball because she was cold and in pain and there was a large lump on her side because one of her ribs was out of place.

Then there were those tumors. 20 angry, purple tumors that look like hard, reddish boils covering my beautiful girls head and neck and they make it impossible for her to get comfortable. I hate those tumors and they remind me of the brokenness of our world. If you put your hand on them they feel like a firm red apple, but hot to the touch. They pull her skin tight so if you try and massage her neck or jaw it feels like flesh pulled tight over a piece of metal.

Insert a deep sigh and a few tears here because oh how I love this girl. Have you ever found a baby bird that has fallen from the safety of its nest or a tiny kitten abandoned by its mother? Your heart completely melts over this vulnerable little creature of God. So small and frail in its helplessness that you can’t help but scoop it up and take it home.

In a way, that’s how I feel about the new Hayden lying in this bed. I wish I could scoop her up, take her home and nurse her back to health. But God has said no to my plan and asks me to trust and rest in His. How can I say no when He has been nothing but kind and faithful to us all?

My girl may go missing, but she isn’t lost. Hayden has been a fierce warrior in fighting this cancer battle and is using every weapon in her arsenal, both conventional and unconventional. She is the “Wonder Woman” of the cancer world and she has the battle scars to prove it. Her God-given superpower has been the pen and she has used it mightily to bless our lives.

But this superhero is led by the ultimate superpower, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and He has determined Hayden’s days and the length of the race He has called her to run.

Hayden Sajl MayLynn Crebbin Palm has run a nail-biting race before our very eyes. We are going to lose contact with her for a little while but if you have repented and put your faith in Jesus Christ you will be enjoying eternity with her.

So, this warrior will go first and when she arrives in “present heaven” she will be hearing well done my good and faithful servant. I couldn’t love you more Hade.

Revelation 21:4-8 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”


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